Organize.

 Blogger has turned me into a rant machine.

Organize. 

We tend to say that to inculcate self-discipline, we need to organize. So that it'd be easier, the process. 

I set my mind, that I'd do this! But knowing myself, I may discontinue in two days or two weeks or not start at all! So what is the essence to write it in my post and post a failure on the blog? 

The I realized that so many people do this! They try new things and they shamelessly move on to others. How guilt free they are! I am adding too many exclamations, I know! But somehow I can't help it!

Back to ourselves. So I set up a routine, would it not make me dependent on the routine itself? I may not think about a certain task until I do the task before it. And maybe the routine will keep me going for few weeks, but I have not yet noticed any habits that I have at all. Unless you count watching something at night till I am tired and then go to sleep. I have no habits at all!

I wake up to work. I have food when it is ready. I surf endlessly randomly. And I work out when I feel like it, after work. If I feel like it. Read a book till I am satisfied, watch anything to entertain self. Go to sleep only when tired. 

I realize being ignorant of things add to worsening of them. I know. But the more I write, the more I realize how arbitrary by life is! Is others life the same way? 

How do I implement a routine after 25+ years of my life?! Would it make a difference? 

After watching so many youtube videos, I can only think of ending my blog in "tell me how you feel about it in the comment section below" - Which shows how disturbed my mind is right now! It scares me how it affects us. How it will be affecting the little children that are growing up. Is this what they are supposed to absorb? Shame!

Back to topic. Routine. Self-discipline. Hard work and perseverance. All these commonly used terms. They feel so wrong to me somehow. 

I finished Ayn Rands fountainhead and I should have loads to say but honestly I am still reeling over the book itself. But the idea in her books, the anti-Altruism theme that she goes by, I wonder if I have such a theme too? I will definitely be something like moth riding a leaf on a steady river current, looking at the bright blue sky. Which is how I would want my life to be, but t 'is not! More like I would be arguing "why? why can't be my life like that. What is wrong with it? And Just let me be!" or something around these lines. Will explore more on this. 

But for now, Routine -Eegh. Will try to abide.