Financially speaking..

I don't know how life works or so but recently this is what happened.

I'm low on cash as always, and I'm surfing the Internet and I come across this pdf drive where 1000s of books are available. Waiting for us to download them. So I downloaded some Oracle related books I thought I'll try and then I went to look over the rest of the content. And I wanted a book, 'rich dad, poor dad' because I think the topic was relatable.

So today I start reading this book. And what I read in this book is so freaking damn relatable!! So relatable that it scared me. Maybe I'm poor? But I don't want to accept. So I'm a fighter. But even though I can always ask for money or save some up, I'm mostly broke. I haven't even started earning and I'm already into huge debt. I definitely agree with what the writer speaks about our parents believes that hard work pays off. In the sense that we study to earn and that is wrong. And we do have a lovely home, but I guess that's all we have. My parents think it as the best investment they made. But the sentence I read today turned me off. It said, "house is a liability, not an investment. If it's an investment for you, you're in serious trouble". And a part of me agrees. So what to do now. No i haven't finished the book, but I'll like to learn and grow as I am reading it.

So I've decided as anyways I vent about stuff I rather vent about financial matters. Matters that matter. I could find some other place to cry for my sins maybe. Or find and actual person to vent out to. Buy for now, this is it. Lets see how this works out. Peace be with you.

Dumb and dumber

No I'm not talking about the tv show. I was into all of that when I was 6. No. This is me describing myself how I feel about myself every other day. I'm dumb today, I'll be dumber tomorrow. And today being one of the days I experienced it and I'm gonna write it down and maybe try to make myself feel better by arguing how it's not so bad.

OK so ever get the feeling that you're getting dumber day by day? I've been getting the same these years. Although I've been pouring knowledge like it's from an endless source, I feel like I'm loosing my common sense. Which is highly necessary in my opinion. I've been living life like I'm a smart person. Which I'm not. But the belief and the confidence can do you lots. And today I made the mistake of showing people that I'm smart maybe by mistake itself. (that's what I think they think) anyway. But I realise, I maybe smart by mistake but I have courage to make them. And by making mistakes you understand where you stand. It's like surveying the ground, you find garbage and shit but you may find something that you might need some day or something actually useful that nobody thought they'd find it this way. Maybe once you found crap when people were watching but it won't be that all the time. Plus, why does that matter? Firstly it shouldn't matter what people think. I just shouldn't. They don't know you or the shit you've been through. Secondly, if your habits do you good, you shouldn't be ashamed.

I've had a way myself.. I stumble across things. And I feel like an idiot to accept that. That's what happened and that's what I've been trying to put through.

Glimpse of sunshine

It rained today. It rained bad. I'm not against rain or so, but it gets cold. And I prefer warmth. Unlike all the other days when you know it's gonna be a sunny day, today was different. Mostly because I realized something that I'd usually ignore or let be. But today i want to point it out. I want it to mean something even if it doesn't. Because even though I don't love the sun, I enjoy the glimpse of sunshine on a rainy day.

2 seconds. He looked at me 2 second. Or maybe he did, because it wasn't so bright but I felt like it. Don't you feel it when someone is looking at you? Must've had that feeling sometime! And then it was gone. Because I'm a coward. I'm afraid. I'm scared of God knows what. Maybe it's embarrassment or shyness. But that moment was gone. But still on my mind for a while now. If I had a pen and paper at hand, I would've written a song by now, that probably no one would've heard or a piece of paper crumpled and thrown in the garbage can because this is among one of the many crushes I've had? No one can say for sure. Neither can I.

I wish I could change and get my life in control. I wish I could be a little of things, could do a lot of things. But today, this is it. Taking pleasure in glimpse of sunshine and wondering if there would be a rainbow to see.