What do you want to be?

Well, I've been unemployed for like 10 working days now. And I'm already in overhead of finding my next job. As difficult it is for me to find, simultaneously I'm not so sure what exactly it is that I want to do. What do I really want to do?

I've been looking at the courses and their fees structure and rethinking again. I want to learn. But I want to apply what I learn. I guess I've picked this fear over engineering that I've done and my previous. There was  absolutely no co-relation. I don't want to continue the same! What I want is a fixed goal. I want to learn and work hard and smart and apply myself. Prove it to myself.

What I want to is to be a master of my own fate.

Have you ever felt like everytime you do something or achieve something or go through something, ever get a feeling that you've not given your all? Like you could've done even better if you'd just tried. I've felt like this always. And I have no idea what I'd do with it. Maybe o could do something off of it. But I know I'd forget all about it a soon as I get a stupid new job. And I start earning basic money again. But I don't want that originally. I want to do something that when I do it, each and everyday I'll prove to myself that I'm worth.

Well, that is me currently.

Sleeplessness

Ok. So I've had a long day today. I've been to another city and back. Plus to top that I've had one of the worse interview experience. And to top that too, after interview I had to face relatives and cousins who may or may not be doing better than me.

My day started at pervious night mostly. That's because I couldn't sleep much. I woke up at four am to go to an interview that I didn't want to go for. I couldn't sleep in the train because nature was so beautiful. No seriously! I may have decided my future vacation home. And when I arrived at that big 'ol company, I was rushed into the interview like they just had to get done with me. No preparations, nothing. Also they do not like people who have progressive thinking. They like people who have mugged up concepts and robot minded. I really really wanted to earn the job though, and slap in their face by rejecting the offer. But I couldn't. Because I didn't crack the robotic interview.

I've been trying to tell myself that I didn't want it in the first place. But it is so very difficult to believe. Feel good, sid!

Moving on, after the realisation completely sinking in our heart and brain we went to see family. Because there is nothing else we could've done for 4 more hours for the next train. And you can obviously imagine later situation..

Now that I'm sitting at home. Tired but still not able to sleep. Tired of disregarding parents expectations. Tired of seeing them try. Tired of life in general. And I'm now not even sure if I'm an average student anymore. Thanks sucky interview.