Sad tragic

I never thought I'd feel this low again. Just when you think things are going your way, they fall apart. Break your heart.
Its that feeling when you want people to leave just so that you can gather your thoughts. Think about all the shame and embarrassment you've brought yourself. Stuff a pillow to your mouth and try and scream and cry out loud.
I love these outbursts. After these, you feel empty. Numb. Like nothing can hurt you anymore. This is rock bottom. How deep can you even go?! And I do love starting new. But each and every time?
I've kinda grown tired of this too. I'm just done. I wish things were different. I wish I was living someone else's life instead of my own. I give up.
I don't know what people expect from me. I don't even know if they do?! And if they don't value you, you do you have the need to please them any more? I've always disliked the people pleasing kind of people. And I so don't want to be one of them. But necessity is a bitch! Makes you do weird stuff. Firstly I'm not even liking the life I'm living and secondly, I've got to please people? And I so have how dumb I behave. I'm so not this dumb. God, what's happened to me?
What do I do? How do I do? When what why? I wish I'd get out of this mess hole asap or at least something worth striving for comes along. Turn damn tables, turn!

Asking for less

I saw this in a TV series that I'm watching. 'silicon Valley', would've heard? We always want more. Then we're disappointed when what expected does not happen. So, what if we'd asked for less in the beginning? We wouldn't be disappointed then.

I have this thing, I can't stand it when I disappoint anybody. Be it anybody. I feel hell lot guilty. But I guess in some cases it shouldn't matter! I don't want to be mad at myself for disappointing someone who may never even amount anything in my lifetime or someone who I really don't care about much. What's said is right -  it's good, letting go! I wish I didn't care. So it's sometimes better to not even raise the bar so high that people expect lot from you.
The downside is while you're walking this road, you might not know how far you could go! You might try and limit yourself but that won't do good.
Now here are two separate things I'm talking about. Limiting people and limiting goals. From my point of view, limiting goals is a big NO. But I certainly want to make an effort of limiting the people part. I'm not good at it. I wish. But I'm not.

Potentially potential

I had a kind of good week. When someone treats you special, it freaking feels good! My manager gave me a special task. Then he gave me another special task. Just thinking what a good word I'd get if I accomplish it! But for that, I need to accomplish it.
And when a cute someone also treats you like Queen and you start to get a little closer, oh that moment! And you're introvert, but people are trying to get you involved and you give in all your vulnerabilities and you start to become good friends.
Well, it was a little snatched away. It was either this or that. And I chose this. So I gotta like with this. Idk how it's gonna turn out.
Ok so back to budding potential, the dream is at it's end. You got to travel where the ends meet. That's how you follow your dream. And change! Oh the difference change makes. So, I got an IST shift. My parents will be freaking happy. But I was so close to making good friends with the people. Aww man!
I'll be back. And I'll be back with a bang. The advantage of being different is that you get to shock people more often by doing something, and sometimes anything! It's a terrible privilege. Being different.