We are human beings. We have weaknesses. Some people are scared of heights. Some are allergic to walnuts. Some are scared of waters and some are scared of themselves.
Shall I tell you mine? I am lazy. or so I tell my weakness to everyone other than myself. But something that gives me anxiety in real life, something I don't trust myself with is my true weakness.
Carelessness. I've had nightmares about it. I care too much about what others think. And I like to show that I don't care much. I am scared, I might fool myself so bad that I loose everything while I try to show people it does not affect me.
I know it because I've been through it. I know when I am being too careless. I tell myself to keep it in control, not be too much. But sheer manipulation of such a thing is pointless. Because you think you know, but you don't. How is it you try to control yourself so much? or maybe not at all? Because you know, you are letting go or acting like it. But you are tangled in a mess you created and acting like that was your intention all the while. Acting like the tangled threads that entrap you don't bother you. And you're drowning but you're too cool to ask for help. By the last moment you think you have all the power to get out of it and save yourself. But you have never attempted it, so you don't know the true potential of yourself. You think you're everything, but maybe you aren't. And you find out maybe in the end moments? And all this while you think you won't regret anything when it is your last, but in the last moment that you thought would never come, it's here and it is the first time in your entire life you're regretting. Maybe you should have shown more care.
I sometimes feel premonitions, sudden anxiety, tension in my shoulders, that what would happen if? And I have to calm myself down. Maybe it's building up inside me. Anxiety and panic. And in the worse moment it will hit. Or so I think. I hope I am strong enough to control and turn the tides around. Just like how I think.
Shall I tell you mine? I am lazy. or so I tell my weakness to everyone other than myself. But something that gives me anxiety in real life, something I don't trust myself with is my true weakness.
Carelessness. I've had nightmares about it. I care too much about what others think. And I like to show that I don't care much. I am scared, I might fool myself so bad that I loose everything while I try to show people it does not affect me.
I know it because I've been through it. I know when I am being too careless. I tell myself to keep it in control, not be too much. But sheer manipulation of such a thing is pointless. Because you think you know, but you don't. How is it you try to control yourself so much? or maybe not at all? Because you know, you are letting go or acting like it. But you are tangled in a mess you created and acting like that was your intention all the while. Acting like the tangled threads that entrap you don't bother you. And you're drowning but you're too cool to ask for help. By the last moment you think you have all the power to get out of it and save yourself. But you have never attempted it, so you don't know the true potential of yourself. You think you're everything, but maybe you aren't. And you find out maybe in the end moments? And all this while you think you won't regret anything when it is your last, but in the last moment that you thought would never come, it's here and it is the first time in your entire life you're regretting. Maybe you should have shown more care.
I sometimes feel premonitions, sudden anxiety, tension in my shoulders, that what would happen if? And I have to calm myself down. Maybe it's building up inside me. Anxiety and panic. And in the worse moment it will hit. Or so I think. I hope I am strong enough to control and turn the tides around. Just like how I think.
