I have way too many thoughts on how I want to be. Many ideas and passions to be followed. The person I want to become. Then there are my vague ideas on how I am infact supposed to be. They are probably drawn down to earth by reality but the still exceed who I am. Who I am supposed to be is entirely different in reality as I don't know myself. It's probably fate/destiny as they say. But what do we know how intricate it all is. And all that is remaining is who I am.
Who am I? I am someone that I wanted to become but couldn't. I am someone who is supposed to be something, but I can't. I am all that is forsaken, by myself.
I have an explicit metaphor for it all.
Say I wanted to be an ocean. I think I'm supposed to be a sea. But actually, my fate says I'm supposed to be a river. But I'm unaware. All I am is stagnant lake at the top of mountain. I was supposed to flow towards the rest of my destiny. But I'm still. What now? How do I get out of this situation, when I'm cursing myself for not being what I want! Or not being enough? How do I know if I'm supposed to be stagnant as I am or how am I to know how to go and how to flow?
When you're not who you wanted to be, or who you're supposed to be. How do you face yourself? What am I to feel? Regret? Because I can't be what I want to be. Disappointed? Because I couldn't even be who I'm supposed to be? Or Ignorant? Whatever happens, let it. I've become this, so I shall be?
Honestly I don't think it's an identity crisis. But there are personas to me. And I want to be able to use them perfectly.
