New year BS

Me to myself:

Let’s make a new year resolution, shall we?

Every end of the year I will write about my year in review. And what I’m gonna try to do in the next.

This is like a good throwback. And a to do list for another year.

Hmm.. let’s do this!

2017 started with a really weird trip. I didn’t meet my colony friends as every new year, but I spent it with my maternal family. And I may not have seemed like a good idea at the time. Now that I look at it, it was a memorable one. And I’m thankful it happened. Well, after that I left a job, where people had just started to become good friends. I found a new one. I’m living in a strange city in a different state with a friend because we got our job location as such. I’ve been sick and tired and depressed and lonely. But I did started a blog. 2 so to say. I’ve lost a lot of friends. Didn’t gain many. Have decided that I want to move to this different city which is closer to my home. And settle maybe? I did start to care a lot about people, more than ever. Even they don’t care back. *Rolls eyes* and I’m tired of everything else right now. There are no plans this new year. Except to buy some stuff, watch some stuff, cut bangs again and buy some more stuff.

Gone in a few

I understand change is a natural course of life. But don't you freaking change abruptly. Go back on your word. It's considered as not-good manners. And it affects other people's decisions as well. And it's feels embarrassing and hurtful when the person is abiding, but you're not. Just because you thought what people might think. Or maybe you thought you're better off with your own opinions that others don't matter.

Ok so you get not what I'm pissed off about something. I tell you it's only momentarily and it will all be forgotten come morning. But I wish it wouldn't.

Someone who inspires me

Taylor Swift.

Well I'm not sure about inspiring but I'm very sure I look up to her. From the very beginning. I love the way she writes songs. Don't we all. Well not all songs maybe. But some?

I admire her courage to write about anybody and sing it out to the world. It just says something that your views and opinions matter to you and you're not afraid to put them out in the real world.
I admire her efforts to better herself every time. Change. Her songs change, her music changes. Her stories change. Maybe she gets aggressive with time, but time has bound to hurt us all in different ways. We're ourselves not perfect, and it's not fair to expect from others as well. We are all facing different difficulties and we have a different threshold for bearing them.

I admire her because even after not having much luck in lasting relationships, she's still trying. Moving on. Keeping up with her life. Doing what she does. I don't know if I were in her place, how many mental breakdowns I would've had already. And including all of this, handling herself in front of he media, keeping one with family and friends.

I did start writing listing to her songs. And I am glad. And I'm not saying I'm like her or I want to be her or I want to meet her or anything. It's just that I do admire her and also think she's pretty and smart enough. Ok, sound like I am fan girling a little. I think she deserves it as well. 

Pet peeves

Well if you're like me you'd want to know too. Pet peeves means something that a particular person finds especially annoying. So I'm confused. Annoying about me or annoying about you? Well I'm gonna write down what others may or may not find annoying about me. ( May because they told me so, and may not because they didn't, but I think I know)

As mentioned previously, I'm an awful singer. But I love to sing. Especially if it's pop rock. *Grins*
Well I'm sorry if I annoy you, but I'll let you know - I'm not gonna stop.

I'm depressed a lot. Or sad. Or confused and panicked. These constitute 70% of my emotions. So sorry if I bring you down with me. But after reading "falling into place" I'm not afraid of asking help when I need. I suffer more that I let you know. Believe me.

I'm awfully quiet. Oh you noticed? Tis' not so hard. But I'm built that way. I'm also comfortable with very long silences. And I can listen to you talk endlessly. And I'll still hang out with you the next day.

I'm sure I have many more pet peeves. Playing too many English songs. Talking very slowly over phone, or in real life. Saying "oh I wanna do that" and never doing it. And I'm hella lazy so excuse me. ( If I didn't do the thing that you asked me to) But that's me. And what defines me.

Something that someone told me about myself that I'd never forget

Phew, whatta long title! ... But interesting:)

Well the post isn't long but it took me more time than any. I had to reminisce my life. Like literally. Ok so cutting straight to the chase. Here's a long list of someones that are and have been in my life and the multitude of things said in various attitudes lurking in corners of my brain.

Someone once told me, "you've got big dreams in your eyes"

Someone once told me, and in exact words, "Sid love you always and be the same with me forever"

Someone once told me, "you are different... That's what I like about you... You create your own world"

Someone once told me, "Sid if I was a guy, I'd date you"

Someone once told me, "you're perfect you know"

Someone once told me, "...that's why nobody likes you. You're boring."

Someone once told me and very hate fully, "you're very cunning, you know that?"

Someone once told me, "you're such a crybaby siddhi." "Stop making that loser face everytime you lose."

Someone once told me, "you have a very weird voice. Please don't sing."

When in 4th standard someone once told me, "siddhi you're my favorite just like ladyfinger, my favorite vegetable."

And to end on a very funny note.

Looking at my HSC marks, two different people asked me "did you have an affair or something?"

10 things that make me really happy

Huh. I think I'm gonna have to rack my head for this. Or maybe I'll just list down all the stupid silly things. So here goes

I love spending time with my friends. I mean I just laugh a lot. But it feels good. Or it used to. Does that make me happy? I don't know. I guess I just like it. Or miss it.
Spending time with my brother, planning and doing stupid things has got to be one of them. I'd download some movie and we'd watch together. Or when we made weird milkshakes with ice creams. Or when we were kids, we'd wrap ourselves in blankets and sit at window sill watching fireworks.
Or some moments with my family. On my dad's 50th birthday we literally walked across a mountain in dark while in Goa. That was a good day.

These had to be included because they define me.  For the other silly things would include

Watching comedy shows and laughing on  the silliest jokes. (Oh and laugh on silliest jokes of my friends too!) Watching chick flicks when I'm down (especially 10 things I hate about you. Fav <3)
Trekking. Man I have this in my wish list. I want to run and run in an open field. And hop and jump across the rocks. And climb trees and swing from tree branches. (That makes me sound like a monkey, but yeah)
Reading books. Oh it's like a dream. Waking up on a rainy day, curling up in your sofa, reading a good book. With coffee and blankets to add more to comfyness.
Having a long shower. It's literally one if my hobbies even. Sleeping, reading and long baths. Wash my hair, scrubs and facials. Music all the way.
Long drives. I haven't been on a lot. But I do want to more and more. Get a car, windows down, music playing, driving down wilderness and no one around.
Shopping. Oh how could I not include this. My sister and me, we window shop so much it should be a crime. Mostly because when I want to shop, I'm unstoppable. So not always we opt for actual shopping.
Walking. I do walk a lot. And I make people suffer with me. But those are the best of times.

Watching meteor shower at 3am with friends. Gossiping with my besties about all the things in the world. Late night conversations that close with a really lasting feelings. Randomly texting someone I haven't talked to in a while. Organizing the shit out if my drawers. Cleaning up. Long walks, eating junk. And maybe there are many more things I enjoy and bring me peace.

Anxiety and depression

Feeling blue is nothing new. I've been there a many times and I've been back. But it's the scare that is more troubling.

I am scared of being depressed. Because I know how it feels like. I know it'll be better in a few, and time will heal and all that. But I know in that state, it's freaking difficult to believe any of that. It's like I'm panicking, that I can feel myself slipping. And I feel even if I ask for help, no one can truly understand. It's the uneasiness in my tummy and it weighs my bones down. It feels wrong coursing in my veins somehow. It feels feverish, but you're not so lucky. Feel like crying out, but it doesn't help much.

It is obvious now, to be scared. But I'll get over it. I know. I want to believe. And I will.